


The Great Weslisé Twins

by Polkat (aralias)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: April Showers 2015, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-04
Updated: 2004-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3672771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aralias/pseuds/Polkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and friends find some interesting horoscopes in the Daily Prophet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Weslisé Twins

**Author's Note:**

> Uploading old fic for April Showers 2015. All spelling/grammar errors (and my weird paragraphing) left as originally posted. These fics were never actually posted under the name 'Polkat' but I thought I'd group all my HP stuff together as the name change denotes a change in platform (FF.NET to LJ) rather than a change in the way I was writing.
> 
> I stole this idea from Douglas Adams who used it (much more amusingly) in 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency'.
> 
> Written for a challenge where I had to include a dragon, the sound of a bell, a muggle film, the spell "expecto patronum" and A CHEESE GRATER.

It hurts when a rolled up newspaper falls from a great height onto your head.   
Very few people are aware of this; Harry, on the other hand, had learned this to his peril about a year ago when the Post Office had hired Muffy the owl to deliver Hermione’s Daily Prophet. In fact it hurts  _a lot_  when a newspaper falls on you repeatedly.  
Today, he had the added pleasure of watching the newspaper bounce from his head and into his porridge.  _Great, just… great._  
“Morning Muffy,” Harry said, extremely amiably considering his breakfast had just been successfully ruined once more, and removed the paper from his bowl, handing it to Hermione. The owl in question hooted cheerfully back at him [it seemed to think that Harry was fond of it] and rubbed itself affectionately against his hand.   
Next to him, Ron sniggered as Harry tried to detach the owl before Hedwig arrived.   
“See her?” he said, pointing at Hermione. “That’s the person you’re supposed to deliver the paper to. Do you understand you stupid little featherbrained twit?  _Her-mi-o-ne_. You’re supposed to drop the paper neatly in front of  _her_ … so why does it always land on my head? Does it have some kind of newspaper homing device?”   
Ron laughed again and Harry became distantly aware that he was being faintly ridiculously. “All the other owls can manage to avoid it,” he finished persistently. “Why can’t you?”  
Giggling slightly herself, Hermione handed him some coins which he deposited wearily into the little pocket around Muffy’s foot. “Go away,” he suggested and obediently the little bird took to the sky.   
“I hate that owl.”  
“You should try living with Pig” Ron suggested helpfully.   
“No thank you.”  
“Stop complaining then.”   
“That’s rich coming from you.”  
“Oh yer?”  
“Yer!”  
“That is an insult sir…En guard!”  
They had a brief but enthusiastic sword fight with their wands in which a large number of brightly coloured sparks and half formed spells splashed themselves cheerfully over the ceiling and the contestants’ robes. It might perhaps have lasted longer had it not been interrupted by Hermione’s cough which suggested that Ron should be setting a good example because he was Head Boy and Harry should be setting a good example because he was Harry and that trying to break their wands on each others heads was not  _her_  idea of setting a good example.   
Reluctantly they lowered the wands.   
“Spoilsport,” Ron muttered good humouredly, as he removed the large orange blotch from the table surface.   
“You should be setting a good example,” Hermione insisted predictably.   
“I’m setting the “it’s ok to have fun” example,” Ron told her. “Too many people these days forget that life isn’t all about studying and I…” he tailed off as Hermione’s fixed him with her  _“yes Ron, please do continue_ ” glare that suggested one should only continue if they were very brave indeed.  
“No fighting,” Harry said, trying to save him. “Got it.”  
“You said that last week.”  
“Did I?” he asked vaguely. “Interesting… Anything in the paper?”  
“No, nothing,” Hermione said, ironically. “Lots and lots of empty pages…”  
“How much do you pay for this thing?” Ron asked, grinning again. “Can’t be worth it.”  
He was hit by the paper.   
“Ouch!”  
“You asked for it… Of course there are things in the paper but you know there was something I wanted to show you.” She opened it again, mindful of the bits of pink gloop that had transferred its self from Harry’s wand to Ron’s uniform and from Ron’s uniform to the paper. “Look at this.”  
_“Your Horoscope,_ ” Harry read.  _“The day’s highs and lows foretold for your convenience_ … Hermione…”  
“Keep reading.”  
_“Do you keep suffering inconvenient bad luck? Do you wish you had some way of knowing what to expect? Well look no further luckless traveller: the Great Weslisé Twins are here to help.”_  He paused. “I see they’re branching out.”  
“Ron,” Hermione said, “just out of interest, did Fred and George ever take Divination?”   
“Yer…. They were crap at it though.”  
“Maybe they didn’t have the right aura for it,” Harry suggested, grinning. “After all Divination is a very taxing subject.”  
“You used to make up your predictions,” Hermione reminded him pointedly.  
“Yes,” Ron agreed. “But we worked very hard at it.”  
Harry laughed. “Look, listen to mine.  _Leo: Dementors dog your footsteps but, fear not, if you stay on your guard and remember to yell_  “expecto patronum!” _really, really loudly you will escape with your soul_ ,” Harry read with no small amount of amusement.  _“Your lucky cake is Battenberg and the sound of a bell signifies change._  Well… that’s cheerful.”  
“Like I told you,” Ron said through a mouthful of toast. “Total crap… What’s mine.”  
“Er….okay…  _. You are an annoying git who keeps interrupting us, you wear silly clothes and are becoming ridiculously responsible. Soon you will be Percy! Ha ha ha. You will be run over by a rampaging dragon so watch out and you may survive A cheese grater will become very, very important to you….”_  
“How insightful,” Ron laughed, swallowing his toast. “Hermione want to know what yours is?”  
“No really.”  
“Well I do. Harry? Virgo.”  
Grinning Harry scanned through the coloured boxes. “Alright,  _Virgo you will be rewarded for your patience with a windfall of good fortune…_  well that’s pretty good… oh no, wait… _if you survive the end of the week. Your lucky plant is birch. This week do something a little different: Go to a muggle cinema and terrorise the locals. Van Helsing in particular is_  *excellent*.” He lowered the paper. “So we’re going to the cinema tonight, Hermione?”  
“No,” Hermione said, then with a grin: “ _I_  heard Van Helsing was rubbish.”  
“I wonder how much they’re getting paid to write this stuff,” Ron mused. “This sounds like a job I could really enjoy.”


End file.
